Deputy PM, Harriet Harman, has this week been demonstrating that she is not simply a Caretaker Prime Minister but a ‘Care-giver’ one too. Clearly desperate to prove that somebody needs to ‘be in control’ in August, she has embarked on a bold new initiative to talk to five year old boys about the dangers of listening to bored firebrands who fear that they might be less important than they really are

Mzzz Harman has made it clear that even in August a government is judged by the number of policy documents it releases. “In fact at quiet times like these it is even more important to release such documents because that is when ordinary citizens will have more time to read and digest them at their leisure.”

“Our vision is a society where women and girls feel safe and confident in their homes and communities so that they can develop fully, live freely, contribute to society, and prosper in their daily lives. We want to overcome women's and girls' fear of crime and the gender-based violence that they experience. It is clear that the only way to do this is to grab young boys and shake them, to tell them that they are violent, wife beating, rapists who will go to hell unless they stop wandering down this path immediately.”

However this approach has been attacked by parents and some campaigners who suspect is might create more problems than it solves. Said one father: “There I was in the park with my partner and kids. I was encouraging Billie to play with his sister’s Barbie in order to break down gender stereotypes when Ms. Harman jumps off her battle bus and starts telling little Billie that he is a wife-beater. He was so traumatized that he’s now undergoing therapy.”

A spokesman for Ms Harman later clarified the situation. “It is evident that in cases where a boy is not already displaying wife-beating tendencies but clearly demonstrating obvious gender-awareness, we will go easy on him. We’ll just tell him that his Dad is a wife-beating rapist and that that is what he has to avoid.”