When it comes to the surreality stakes this blog sometimes struggles to keep up with the government. Every time a piece is posted on, say, Bruno becoming the new 'Comedy Tsar', the government goes one better... and announces, as it has today, something like the news that Kerry McCarthy, the MP for Bristol East, is to be appointed the new 'Twitter Tsar'.

It seems that this latest Twitter announcement must be true - it appeared in today's Guardian newspaper. But it is very frustrating and seems astonishingly unsporting that anything this blog can spoof, Brown can spoof better. Is what we are witnessing simply a concerted effort by Brown, Mandelson and co. to put the satirists, surrealists, cynics and post-modernists of this nation out of business - permanently?

Well, all that you can do in such circumstances is try to steal a march by posting a range of dumb policies ahead of the government. So here goes.... This is what Brown should do next:

* Appoint a UFO Tsar - Keep people informed of the presence of little green men
* Appoint a Big Brother Tsar - To encourage ordinary citizens to understand the reality TV show and learn how to be rich and famous.
* Appoint an Xbox Tsar - spread understanding of video games consoles
* Make Nigella Lawson the new Cookery Tsar - to encourage ordinary people to cook more and bring more cleavage into the kitchen
* Elevate Simon Cowell to the Lords - So that he can discover new talent for the government.
* Get Arlene Philips of Strictly Come Dancing to teach Alistair Darling to do the tango.
* Ask Lembit Opik to bring more saucy women into the Westminster village
* Force people to wear solar panels
* Encourage people to love Lord Mandelson
* Encourage people to smile when they see Harriet Harman appear on the box
* Appoint a Tsar Tsar to oversee Tsars and make people understand why we need Tsars in the first place
* Win the next general election