Transcript 1: "Don, just because I'm your 'humble' secretary, it doesn't give you the right to throw up the Triple Chocolate Black Forest Gateau that I so lovingly made you. Would you do that with your wife's cakes? I bet you wouldn't. And when am I going to see you for some 'ministerial duties?' Can't you put aside those wretched dispatch boxes for one evening?"

Transcript 2: "Hi Maurice, I'm not surprised your Missus suspects you after what you told me. You are such a buffoon. What on earth possessed you to shout out 'Betsy' when you were making love to her the other day? And of course she's going to be suspicious if you start asking her to try different positions after all these years? How long have you been married?

Transcript 3: "Hello Nessa. Sorry I won't be able to make it back this weekend. My 'Italian friend' has a bit of a 'proposition'. He's prepared to pay off our mortgage if I give him an alibi. Apparently I'm to tell the investigators we were eating meatballs at Luigi's off Ponte Vecchio. Sounds like an 'offer I can't refuse'!"

Transcript 4: "Yeah,'ello, Mr Romford, I'm Cindy Nubbins. You might've seen me on the reality show "Don't Bother". I got some information that you might find really interessing. I slep' with that footballer Kevin Croopy from Liverpool City. I'm prepared to spill the bins. But I need an 'undred kay minimum though."