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View Article  Pugwash is Dead

Structuralists and semiologists the world over are tonight mourning the death of the creator of Captain Pugwash, John Ryan. Ryan, who was the only Catholic cartoonist known to man, was widely acknowledged to be the pioneer of 'scissors and paste jobs'.

As a devout Catholic he contributed a cartoon to the Catholic Herald in the early 60s . The chief character was a scheming Cardinal Grotti who worshipped false idols and who was forever trying to reestablish the practice of 'indulgences'. But Ryan will undoubtedly be remembered for the somewhat more 'secular' Captain Horatio Pugwash, the cartoon that chronicled that more 'human' attribute, namely greed.

Philosopher Alain de Botton said of Pugwash, "Is Pugwash dead? Or is God dead? He affected all of our lives really. The series was a meditation on the human condition, depicting as it did two dimensional cardboard cut-outs engaged in the male dominated and perhaps not so innocent activity of 'piracy'. This kind of stuff is life changing, ground breaking, and I am soon going to be bringing out a book entitled, "Pugwash can change your life."

Literary novelist, Umberto Eco said, "People will forever want to be trying to uncover and strip bare the meanings of this 'Captain' who was made from these little pieces of trash that Signor Ryan swept up from his floor and could have easily thrown in the bin, or might have burnt frankly. The real question is whether the 'scissors and paste' nature of the 'Captain's' existence provides a simple 'clue' to delayering and perhaps slowly unpeeling (just like a philosopher might unpeel a very luscious Neopolitan lemon) the very essence of the character him/itself. Or perhaps, herself?"

French post-modernist, Henri deBarthes, said, "Zis Capitaine Poogwash, 'ee wus absolutement notheeng like the art as we know eet in the land of Astereeex. Poogwash, he show that thees things that we are calling 'cartoons' and that are seeemply notheeng more than cardboard constrooct, they moost behave semiologicalique like a pointless and very oonappetising plate of warmed up crap. There is here zee evidence that zee Gauleest Astereeex cartoon is superieure to the Angleterre cartoon and it prove, eet prove ab-sol-ute-ment zat zee French Cartoon, it can has real meaneeng, whereas zee Eeengleesh cartoon it can has not meaneeng."

View Article  Clarkson Praises Gordon Brown

It has been revealed that Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has shocked viewers by being 'really nice about Gordon Brown'. Clarkson had been forced to apologise to Gordon Brown back in February for calling him a "one-eyed Scottish idiot." But this week the presenter amazed viewers when he said that Gordon Brown was "an outstanding prime minister, possibly the best since Gladstone."

Clarkson went on to say, "If Gordon Brown were a car, he would be an old but worthy Mk 2 Jaguar. Yep, it breaks down rather a lot but it has form... and it has style... and anyone who owns one quickly gets used to it being in and out of the garage, and knows that one day very soon they will be forced to mothball it. But, here's the thing... it is a classic."

Clarkson was later forced by the BBC to retract his statement after disappointed Top Gear viewers complained that Clarkson was "clearly not himself." In his retraction, Clarkson, said, "I apologise unreservedly for my error of being nice about Gordon Brown. I compared him to a classic car when in fact what I meant to compare him to was 'an extension of a penis'. In fact I would go so far as to say that he is much, much closer to being a 'one eyed Scottish trouser snake'.