It is thought that Gordon Brown will elevate to the House of Lords any one who is prepared to vote for him at the next election. Although this could bring about a large increase in the number of unelected peers, it is not considered large enough to pose any major problems.

"What we are suggesting," said the PM, "Is really quite revolutionary. This will give ordinary Labour voters the opportunity to shape their own futures in a way that mere democracy could never hope to do. Ordinary voters will for once be truly able, through the ballot box, to bring about real change."

"We are hopeful that natural Labour voters who have strayed from 'the fold' during the past few years will return in massive numbers. And what is more, this policy is very much in keeping with current Labour values and ethics. After all the country is governed right now by an unelected Prime Minister, an unelected deputy Prime Minister and by an administration packed with unelected peers."

It was about the beginning of July 2009, that I, among the rest of my neighbours, heard in ordinary discourse that the plague was spreading into new parishes. It was printed in the weekly bill of mortality in the usual manner that the total number who had perished from the swine plague did stand at 29. The people showed a great concern at this but the physicians told the people not to be alarmed, proclaiming that a paltry 45,000 should die of this malaise.

And the ordinary parishioners did ask, "What should we do if the dead-cart bellmen call upon us to bring out our dead? How might we know what truly is the order of the government? What is the name of the official that should guide us through these times? And when we chance upon that name of his, what shall he command that we do with our dead?"
And from the rough hewn fellows that are want to disrespect the dead in these matters, the answer came there one: "Burnham, mate...."

There is shock, outrage and disbelief after a Newsnight interview with ex Cabinet minister James Purnell, in which he suggested that think tanks such as 'Demos' should stop using old fashioned Greek words like 'Demos' and start using more recent terms like the Latin 'Plebis' or even the anglicised 'Plebs'.

The whole point of a 'think tank' he claims is to think up new ways of describing the political scene in a framework that people can find appealing. Why use Greek, when the more recent Latin might suffice? What could possibly be wrong about calling a think tank - Plebs?"

When pressed on the point and asked why think tanks did not use really, really modern words like 'The People', he replied: "Are you a fool? The phrase 'The People' is so, so last season. In fact it's not even last season, its the season before the last season before the last season before the season before that. What kind of a square are you? The 'people.'.? Don't make me laugh..."