The leader of the opposition, David Cameron has tonight had to deny that he once had his 'fag' slaughter and cook up a vegan boy whilst he was at Eton. The claim came today at a book launch for the autobiography of Zac St-John Johnson, who was allegedly Mr Cameron's fag (i.e. his school skivvy) during his early years at the elite Berkshire school.
A reporter overheard an emotional and enebriated Mr St-John Johnson reveal that he regularly used to cook other boys if Mr Cameron did not like the cut of their gib. "I came from a family of successful restauranteurs." said Mr. Johnson. "Mr. C. told that me that he would beat me black and blue until I rustled him up a 'Roti de Vegan, preceded by a platter of the boy's liver (Foie de Vegan). I seem to remember that the current leader of the opposition was very pleased with the food he received at the time and that he only beat me black and blue twice that evening as a reward.
A surprised Mr. Cameron tonight said, "Whilst it is true that we were poorly fed at Eton and that we regularly had to supplement our diets by whatever means possible, my taste for meat fed on a strict vegetarian regime is really only a recent one. Frankly, I was not aware back in 'them' days of the old adage: "You are what you've Eton."