There is worldwide despair tonight as it is announced that NASA has abandoned its fifth shuttle launch.

Crowds are rioting, ordinary people are up in arms... from Somalia to Seoul, from Tokyo to Tonga, from Honolulu to Harrogate. People feel abandoned, hurt, betrayed. They see all their hopes, their dreams, their goals going up in smoke before their very eyes. What is their future now?

It has been alleged that thousands of Star Trek fans have just committed mass suicide in a cave in California upon hearing the news. There are also reports of the random killing of tribesmen in the Essex countryside, and strange prodigies have been seen on Hampstead Heath. Apparitions with their hair ablaze were seen running hysterically around Westminster Green and the specters of Bill Gates, Sergey Brin and James Murdoch were seen tripping, hand in hand, in fear and anguish through Yellowstone Park.