Former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith gives an interview to the Guardian today where she announces that she hates pornography. "Let there be no doubt about this one," she proclaims, "As a feminist - a committed feminist at that - I really, really hate it. And I make absolutely NO apologies for saying that either. No apologies whatsoever. I totally and utterly detest PORNOGRAPHIC material of any kind. I loathe, loathe, loathe it. It is appalling, unacceptable and very, very demeaning to all women, not just the women who take their clothes off I can tell you. I even feel demeaned, sitting here right now. Totally demeaned... Because as I say I just - cannot - stand it. And did I mention that AS A FEMINIST I cannot stand it? I hope I did because, let me be honest, I CANNOT STAND IT precisely because I am a feminist! Do, I make myself clear? Well I hope I have made myself clear, because we FEMINISTS have to make ourselves clear that's one thing for sure. WE FEM-IN-ISTS just cannot abide it, this horrid pornography. Simple as that! And yes, Simon, you can most definitely quote me on that. I am really quite happy to be quoted on that, quite unequivocally.

When asked about her husband's involvement in the 'procurement of pornographically orientated cinematic material', she responded, "Well, let me be honest once again, brutally honest... when I heard about my husband's purchase of pornographically orientated material, as you so elegantly put it, Simon, I was not a little displeased. I have to be totally frank with you about that... I was not a little displeased. And what can I say, Simon... Men, eh? That's what this is all about... MEN. As if it is not bad enough that these men have enslaved us feminists for millions of years, they then go and purchase pornographically orientated material, and not only that, but they also put it on my expenses to boot. Sorry let me correct myself: I am not saying that all men have put pornographic films on my expenses. Oh no. Just the one: My husband. Would you believe it? MY husband... It's him what done it, if you catch my drift. And that's all there is to say about that one really, I think... Except just to reinforce the fact that my husband is a man and - I might add - a not exactly feministically disposed man at that! You see what we working mum's have to put up with? Men and their grotty little porn films. It is brutally brutally unfair and unjust!

When asked exactly why the said cinematic material ended up on her expenses, she answered, "Well, I think that I have to be totally straight with you Simon. Totally straight... Because what else could I be, other than totally straight....Well, anyway, you know what men are like..?  Always asking you irritating little questions when you're at your most busiest. You know, they never see that you are trying to juggle washing up and emptying the washing machine at the same time as going through the dispatch boxes and discussing issues of state with the PM... which I am almost certain is definitely exactly what I was doing at the time... The time, that very time when he, my silly little non-feministic husband, popped that very innocent sounding question: "Love, can I put 'Big Ben comes to Sexminster' on expenses?" And what would you expect me to say then? "Mr. Smith, can you not see that I am trying to do four things at once?" is how I no doubt responded. And I probably responded thus both firmly and assertively, as is my want... And he then no doubt gave me one of those hurt little looks that men always give you in such circumstances. And I, fool that I am, most probably felt guilty - can you believe it? - felt guilty about being the firm, assertive - but of course fair - woman that I am - that you have to be nowadays... not you personally Simon, I'm not saying that you personally have to be an assertive woman although I would totally understand it if you wanted to be! But let's face it I do, I have to be an assertive woman... So anyway as I was saying, his silly little hurt look almost certainly made me forget what the question was in the first place, such was the level of my pity for this wretched male, that, forgetting said question - what was it? See, I even forgot it? - forgetting the question, I almost certainly, in fact I definitely definitely certainly responded by saying to my hurt little husband (of many years I'll have you know!), "Yeah... go on love..."