In a recent survey that will shock Downing Street to its very core it was found that ninety per cent of the British people actually want Gordon Brown to abandon them in their hour of need.

The survey was commissioned in response to the PM's new policy agenda entitled 'Building Britain's Future'. At the end of his declaration he announced, "We will not walk away from the British People in these difficult times."

When asked "Would you like Gordon Brown to walk away from you in these difficult times?" a staggering ninety per cent responded, "Yes, please, please, please walk away from us in these difficult times, please abandon us, please leave us all alone and vulnerable and without any of that marvellous support of yours that you are so kindly offering."

A Government spokeman commented, "We really just cannot understand it. Surely they want it, don't they..? Don't they want it.... Gordon has so much to give, so much to offer everyone... especially in these difficult times.... please let Gordon stand right next to you in these difficult times."

In the Book of Proverbs, it is stated that the Lord specifically regards "six things the Lord hateth, and the seventh His soul detesteth." namely:

Haughty eyes; A lying tongue; Hands that shed innocent blood; A heart that devises wicked plots; Feet that are swift to run into mischief; A deceitful witness that uttereth lies; Him that soweth discord among brethren

Watchers of both Westminster and Wall Street are currently wondering whether it's time to 'go back to basics' and use this as a yardstick for the rehabilitation of disgraced politicians, bankers and fund managers. "It appears that all other attempts at educating these guys have failed," said a commentator.

During sentencing at his $65Bn fraud trial, Mr Madoff denied that he had led a life of greed, self-indulgence and arrogance. "There are some who have said I lived like a Pharoah."

"One thing is clear: After their departure the Pharoahs left pyramids as eternal monuments to their wealth and power. But in my case people will have a tough old time finding my 'pyramid' let alone making any sense of it."