There are concerns for Newsnight tonight after it broke off from its major news reports and collapsed.

Newsnight was in the middle of its news items on Iran and on expenses scandals when it suddenly had a fit and started reporting on a major celebrity.

A spokesman for the BBC said that the situation appears critical but a lot of people realised that Newsnight had been in terminal decline for some time.

The Parole Board has announced today that even though the Great Train Robber 'has not got much time left', the threat to the public still remains.

The Board stated that there was little evidence of contrition and the Great Train Robber had expressed no regret over the £2 Billion pound train robbery.

"It is clear that despite being responsible for forcing through the PFI Tube contract with Metronet that cost the taxpayer at least £2 Billion pounds, there is little evidence that Baroness Vadera's attitude to the crime has changed. Along with the 'Guv'nor' Gordon Brown who financed and masterminded the robbery, it is accepted that Shriti Vadera has 'little time left'. However we have arrived at the conclusion that the suspects still pose a serious threat to public finances."

Police tonight are questioning a man who tried to sell the auction site Ebay on Ebay. The man is believed to be a hedge fund manager based in Mayfair. In his defence, counsel for the accused said, "My client understood that short-selling was legal again."

Ken Livingstone has appeared on Newsnight once again to defend the wearing of the burkha, after French President Nicolas Sarkozy's call to ban it.

In an interview with Jeremy Paxman, Mr Livingstone re-emphasised that there was nothing wrong in wearing the garment. "I find it increasingly important as the ex-Mayor of London to go around incognito. And that is why the burkha is such an essential item of clothing. You would not want to be recognised in the street if you had lost the Mayoral election to Boris Johnson, would you?"

A number of major investment banks have done a U-turn and have publicly apologised for the bonuses fiasco. In what appears to be a co-ordinated approach to the problem they have promised to 'hand the bonuses back'. Market watchers are currently calling this BAB (Bonuses are back).

A spokesman for all of the major investment banks announced today, "We realise that we made an error in holding on to our money. But in the light of recent developments it has been agreed that now is the time to address the plight of impoverished and undervalued bankers. Six and seven figure bonuses are once more the order of the day. We hope that this clears up any misunderstanding."

When asked to comment, a spokesman for the government said, "This is wholly and entirely a matter for the banks themselves. The government does not believe in intervention."