... old Etonian Mr. Cameron said of his fake German accent, "Of course I wasn't following orders, old boy. It's my fag who follows orders..."

Treasury officials are warning of a potential run on schadenfreude at the start of sentencing in one of the biggest Fraud trials in US history.

"We are worried that with so many wealthy individuals having been screwed by Bernard Madoff, there will not be enough schadenfreude to go round. The US treasury might have to intervene in order to prop up sentiment."

A Mr. G. Vidal was quoted as saying, "Every time a friend gets rich, I die a little."

MP Ann Widdicombe has given an assurance that if she is elected Speaker of the House of Commons she will change her hair colour again. In a bid for transparency she has promised to show her true colours.

Meanwhile, John Bercow, considered of late by his fellow Tory MPs to be something of a turncoat, has undertaken to return to his roots.

Spokespersons for the MPs Sir George Young and Margaret Beckett announced, "The bird's nests have flown."

The Greek culture ministry will once again address the plundering of its cultural heritage this week as it prepares to open the New Acropolis Museum.

"We remain unhappy at Britain's original act of despoilment and call upon your country to rehabilitate this great symbol of fifth century Athens."

"We accept that in the past perhaps Britain was better qualified than Greece to be custodian of this great icon. But this is no longer the case. We now tell your Prime Minister, Mr. Gordon Brown, to stop pretending that he is the rightful guardian of our great gift to the world and to society in general... i.e. Democracy."

Lord Rogers has accused Prince Charles of invading his architectural 'manor'. He is livid that the Prince has tried to influence the planning application for the Chelsea Barracks.

The humble Lord thinks that it is outrageous and, more to the point, unconstitutional for the Prince to become involved in matters such as planning which have economic, political and social ramifications.

Clearly only a man of the people such as the Lord is in a position to define the way our cities will look in the future. Let's face it, architects have a wonderful record of connecting with the people, of building visions for the future, as we saw in the development of post-war new towns and tower blocks.

Lord Pompidou feels that we should examine the ethics of allowing someone who is unelected (no less) to wade in to these debates. As the elected member of 'Riverside' Baron Rogers knows a thing or two about 'representation'.

Time was when a Prince, troubled by a spot of 'economic activity' in one of his Royal Boroughs, would have sent out a posse of his trusty Knights to have words with the turbulent Lord.